i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
