I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
