she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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