are you still at the devil's house?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
