Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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