it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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