He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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