there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize