Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
