oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
