I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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