The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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