Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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