went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Found the puke drawer
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
