At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
