somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
