but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Someone came in the potted fern
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
