So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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