If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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