She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Houston, we have a blender
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
