Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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