her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
