One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
