I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize