thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
