that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
40s are totally the cure
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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