R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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