its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
