Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
