I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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