Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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