Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
