The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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