Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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