I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
