no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
