he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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