Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
