At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
