I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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