I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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