just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I have tasted many bathrooms
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
