someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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