question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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