yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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