i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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