it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize