It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
