I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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