and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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