do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
