I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
