Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
