like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
