I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
