tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
