Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
