nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
someone owes me an orgasm
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
