god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
