I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
