I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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