You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just blew my weed a kiss
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
