woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize