mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
