Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
