DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize